It is important for self-disclosure to take place, especially when two people are getting into an intimate relationship. This is because self-disclosure allows both parties to gain better understanding of one another and to build a closer relationship with one another.
One of the models that is being used to describe self disclosure is the Johari window. The window is as follows:
The open pane is the pane which is known to self as well as known to others. In this pane, it often contains external attributes such as physical appearance and occupation. A person does not need to know the other party well to know information that belongs to the open pane.
The second window is the blind pane. The blind pane contains information that is seen by others, but is unknown to self. This pane may include information such as characteristics and personalities. One example is that people may see you as someone who is a good leader; on the other hand, you may not feel that you possess the necessary skills to be a good leader.
In the third window, the hidden pane contains information that is known to us, but unknown to others. This is the pane which includes a person’s most confidential information that he/she does not wish to share with anyone else.
Lastly, the unknown pane contains the information that is unknown both to you and to others. An example could be someone who has an unknown talent that has yet to be explored.
Self disclosure has its pros and cons. As mentioned above, self disclosure can help to build better rapport between two people, and to bring an intimate relationship up a higher level. At the same time, we must not neglect the fact that self-disclosure can also being about certain risks to people. One of the risk involved is that the receiver might not perceive self-disclosure positively. This might affect the person’s impression of the sender of the message, and thus a relationship can also be broken. At the same time, if too much information is disclosed to the other party, there may be a risk of the other party using such information to gain power over the relationship. Such unfavourable actions can also lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Thus, although self-disclosure is good, it is important to know who you are sharing the information with and how much information you are sharing. Sharing too little information may lead to distancing of the relationship. At the same time, sharing too much information can also cause one party to overpower the other. Thus, sharing should be done in moderation.
I think that self-disclosure results on the basis of trust.
ReplyDeleteFor me, once I think the other person is trustworthy enough, I usually open up to him/her pretty easily. And I do know that this takes a lot of time in the process, which is why taking time to know a person is always best.
I have a handful of people whom i call my best friends, and most of them have known me for more than 3 years, going through many ups and downs with me. I think that its friendships like this which will last a lifetime.
:)
I tink it takes a darn lot of courage. I find it difficult to have a heart to heart talk with someone as I grow older,. Mayb we don't trust people as much?
ReplyDeletei guess time is the ultimate determining factor. over time, when 2 person get to know one another better, we would tend to be more open and to be able to share more about ourselves. i believe trust also plays a part, but ultimately it is time that gives us a chance to test the friendship and to know one another better.
ReplyDelete-j
i think in self disclosure, the individual has to discern what information they choose to disclose. somehow, self disclosure does give an indication of the level of relationship people are in.
ReplyDeleteactually, self-disclosure is strongly influenced by culture, beliefs, and perception. an asian can be very liberal with sharing their personal issues, and a caucasian can also be very discreet with their opinions. perception because we sometimes perceive a certain culture should/must be open to self-disclosure.
ReplyDeletelet's say if you were to meet someone new for the first time, he/she starts pouring out their woes, personal life, family background; for a caucasian, you'd say its normal, while for an asian, you'd say they are trying to 'act ang-moh'
ultimately, it boils down to culture, beliefs and perception ;)
Self disclose is related to the comfort level that you feel with someone. How comfortable you feel with that person will affect the amount of information you share with the other person and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteYes, self disclose has to be done in moderation, especially when it comes to people whom you have met for the first time. there are times when you can have a very good first impression of a person and you are able to clique with the person very well at the first meeting. However, this does not mean that you should be sharing all the information about yourself to him just yet because you do not know the person well. Thus it can also be very risky because you do not know what the other party could be up to. Thus, this should be done in moderation.
ReplyDeleteliyi
One other risk that might be involved in disclosing too much information is that it may also cause two parties to know one another too well, to the extent that there is no need to try to understand the other party even more. If this relationship develops into a long term relationship, it would be harmful because both parties know one another too well, and it would hinder the development of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteKen-Can
Qy: the Johari table is a clear reflection of the knowledge that two people have of one another. In every couple, there are some information that we know of each other, but may or may not disclose to one another. The amount of information that we decide to disclose or keep, would definitely affect the orientation of the entire table.
ReplyDeleteI feel that usually the open pane would expand as the relationship develops. This is because when two people get to know one another better, they would thus have confidence and trust in one another, resulting in more disclosure of information. I do not entirely say that this is harmful, but like the previous commenter had said, too much disclosure can be harmful to a relationship because there would no longer be room for improvement.
ReplyDeletechun
i personally feel that self disclosure is very important in the development of a friendship. I agree that it can be risky to a certain extent, but in everything that we do, there would bound to have risks involved.
ReplyDeleteThrough self disclosure, we would then be able to know whether the person is sincere in developing this friendship even further. If the person is not willing to disclose anything, or wants to keep certain things from the other party, it clearly shows that the development of this friendship is certainly limited to some point. Thus, I feel that self disclosure is very reflective of the person’s sincerity in the friendship.
leen
yes, to be honest, all of us would want to know more about our friends. The more private the better. isn't it?
ReplyDeleteSelf disclosure is definitely a key to successful intimate relationships. That I can't agree further. Openness is not just about knowing what or who one person is but the security it brings about when you know who exactly you are interacting with. It also shows the sincerity in friendship like what leen said. Because it take alot of courage somethings for one to admit a weakness in himself, to show his true image and to really be himself instead of worrying your rejection or unacceptance of who he is. Confidence is also another element needed for self-disclosure.
ReplyDeleteThose who tend to feel uncomfortable talking to others something personal often end up having an invisible gap between himself and his friends. What I wonder, is how do males become close friends? no doubt they have common interests, similarities of all sorts but it is proven that guys in general do not share problems or confide in one another like females mostly do. their self disclosure often restrict to open pane (and maybe the blind pane).
Another point to think about is, does this mean that someone who feels uncomfortable disclosing info about himself needs to go the extra mile to gain true friendship? he may be a really sincere person too, but people just can't seem to understand him very well. is the expectation of self-disclosure by us fair to him?
I guess in Singapore, self disclosure does not have much risk because we live in a well protected country. The risk I am referring to here is risk of terrorism, or any economic threats that we may face.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, in every relationship, there are bound to be interpersonal risks involved. The risk of disclosing too much to the other party is nonetheless one of the most crucial factor that people should take note of. This is because when we disclose a bit too much about ourselves, we not only bore the other person (who may not be interested), but it may also take away the mysterious feeling that the other person may have for us. And this would cause the relationship to stop developing from there.
Oh, I've used the Johari window as well! In fact, there's another variation of the Johari window called the Nohari window.
ReplyDeleteIn contrast to the Johari window, the Nohari window tells you about your negative traits.
In relation to the post, I feel that self disclosure definitely requires the fundamental trust. However, I also think that sometimes, we 'self-disclose' without knowing it through our body language, our choice of words, and facial expressions.
Yes, I agree with rebeck. A person who is sincere does not always have to be someone who is willing to disclose information about himself. There are many people who are introverts and they would want to know more about others, but not at the expense of disclosing much about themselves. Does this mean that they are not worthy of true friendships?
ReplyDelete