Context in relational formation

In theory, we learn that relational formation can be developed through different processes. Relationships are formed through factors such as physical appearance, similarity, dissimilarities, exchange, proximity, reciprocity and competency. To a certain extent, this may be true. These interactions cause people to develop a first impression of the other party. However, relational development is not limited to just these factors alone. Another factor, which makes use of low contextual culture, can also contribute to the development of relationships.

I found an article on the net and would like to share it here.

http://www.souleader.org/docs/relational.pdf

In this article, there is a sentence saying, “I wanted to stay away from those people – the ones who didn’t look too good – because whatever they had, I didn’t want it rubbing off on me.” This is an evidence of someone that judges the people whom he interacts and forms relationships with based on their physical appearances. He does not wish to interact with someone who looks different (or rather, to him, they look weird). Dissimilarity may be one of the factors that causes people to interact with one another, it can also be one of the factors that causes people to withdraw from another person. Differences might indicate to some people that conflicts would arise, should these two people interact with one another.

However, over time, the person realized that he has begun to fit into the place nicely. As stated in the article, “Context is strong. And my context for the past fifteen years or so had given me many messages.” This is evident how a low contextual message can affect a person’s thinking. In this article, the focus is placed on the messages that God was trying to send across to the receiver, who is the person himself. Since this is a spiritual article, little, or rather no focus was placed on non-verbal cues because they are non-existent. Instead, a huge emphasis is placed on the message that has been put across in words.

This article shows that people interact not solely because of external factors such as those that we have learnt in class. Instead, other factors such as words and messages also contribute to someone interacting with another person, which in the case of this article, is interaction through faith. Since it is not possible to communicate verbally, or through the use of non-verbal cues, the alternative is to make use of words in the bible, to convey the messages from God to the respective followers.

time orientation

Initially I was wondering why is time orientation part of communication; however, after much thought, I guess I know the reason why. time orientation is very much affected by the culture in which a person lives in. for example, in the case of Singapore, we are a fast moving country; thus, anyone who lives in this society cannot afford to procrastinate or take their time to complete tasks that are being assigned to them. On the other hand, in a more relaxed country such as the Australia, it is known that their lifestyle is more laid-back and they are a slower moving society. In this case, Australians can afford to take their time to complete their assignments, instead of having to stay on after office hours just to complete their assignments.

The two types of time structures in culture include the polychromic and monochromic styles.

The polychromic style states that time can be stretched. This style views time in a more flexible manner and does not attach as much importance to it when structuring the activities of their daily lives. In this case, the priority of the person planning his time is placed on interpersonal relationships. In this case, timelines are more of estimations rather than firm deadlines that have to be met.

On the other hand, the monochromic style states that time is exhaustive. Time in this case is viewed in a straightforward fashion, as a real and tangible phenomenon and is rigidly structured. This means that time is fixed and that punctuality is taken very seriously. Time has to be managed carefully to ensure that it is well divided amongst all the other tasks.

In the case of Singapore, we make use of the monochromic style in everything that we do. When we are in school, we are taught that time management is very important. Thus, we have to split our time carefully amongst the many different modules that we have to juggle in a semester. At the same time, Singaporeans live by the phrase “time is money”. This clearly proves that we believe that time cannot be stretched and that timely deadlines should be met regardless of how tight the deadline is.

On the other hand, as stated, Australia is a more laid back country that makes use of the polychromic style. Being more laid back does not mean that this cultural style is wrong. Polychromic style gives Australians more freedom to do the things that they deem are more important first. In this case, as they assume that interpersonal relationships are important, work often takes the back seat when it is compared with relationships. Employees are not expected to work late, as they believe in family time.

Differences in the two styles do not mean that any one style is superior over the other. It only meant that people would have different priorities.

Self Disclosue

One of the keys to maintaining a good relationship is to ensure that there is self disclosure between the two parties. Self disclosure means to share information about oneself that the other person is unlikely to know. In this case, it can also be called opening up oneself to the other party.

It is important for self-disclosure to take place, especially when two people are getting into an intimate relationship. This is because self-disclosure allows both parties to gain better understanding of one another and to build a closer relationship with one another.

One of the models that is being used to describe self disclosure is the Johari window. The window is as follows:





The open pane is the pane which is known to self as well as known to others. In this pane, it often contains external attributes such as physical appearance and occupation. A person does not need to know the other party well to know information that belongs to the open pane.

The second window is the blind pane. The blind pane contains information that is seen by others, but is unknown to self. This pane may include information such as characteristics and personalities. One example is that people may see you as someone who is a good leader; on the other hand, you may not feel that you possess the necessary skills to be a good leader.

In the third window, the hidden pane contains information that is known to us, but unknown to others. This is the pane which includes a person’s most confidential information that he/she does not wish to share with anyone else.

Lastly, the unknown pane contains the information that is unknown both to you and to others. An example could be someone who has an unknown talent that has yet to be explored.

Self disclosure has its pros and cons. As mentioned above, self disclosure can help to build better rapport between two people, and to bring an intimate relationship up a higher level. At the same time, we must not neglect the fact that self-disclosure can also being about certain risks to people. One of the risk involved is that the receiver might not perceive self-disclosure positively. This might affect the person’s impression of the sender of the message, and thus a relationship can also be broken. At the same time, if too much information is disclosed to the other party, there may be a risk of the other party using such information to gain power over the relationship. Such unfavourable actions can also lead to the destruction of the relationship.

Thus, although self-disclosure is good, it is important to know who you are sharing the information with and how much information you are sharing. Sharing too little information may lead to distancing of the relationship. At the same time, sharing too much information can also cause one party to overpower the other. Thus, sharing should be done in moderation.

Let's Forgive

In this advertisement, once again, nonverbal communication is used to convey a message between a father and a son.

In this video, the director made use of close up shots to focus on the emotions of the son. Throughout the movie, they made use of kinetics, especially affect displays, to illustrate the emotions of the actors in the show. From the beginning of the clip, the son was already very upset with his father, for all that his dad had done to him. He used harsh words such as ‘neglected’, ‘rejected’ and ‘despised’ to put down his father and to make his father guilty. These words complemented the use of non-verbal communication, to emphasize on his sadness and hatred towards his father.

The proximity between the father and son also indicated that there is a gap between them. They do not enjoy an intimate relationship like most parents and child. Instead, based on estimation, their distance is more of a social distance. This clearly shows that the father and son are very distant in terms of relationship. One of the reasons accounting for the distance is the hatred that the son feels towards his father. This has caused them to drift apart. Despite all these challenges, the son ultimately is able to break free from his comfort zone and to forgive his dad, even though he knew that it was his dad who had killed his mother. This clearly explains the title “Let’s Forgive”.

This video also clearly portrays the relationship management process. The conflict resolution method used is the functional method where a new relationship is built between the father and the son. Despite knowing that his father has killed his mother, the son is still able to let go of the past and forgive his father for his wrongdoings.

This is a very touching video, because it portrays that in life, we are all bound to make mistakes, be it whether we are a child, a son, a student, a parent, a teacher or even a president. We are only human. The most important thing is to be able to learn from our own mistakes and at the same time, seek forgiveness from our loved ones. Only when there is forgiveness, can we then be able to maintain strongly bonded, healthy relationships.

As quoted in the video:
When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive... forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future...

An unusual proposal

As studied, non-verbal communication can be communicated through many different channels – facial expressions, actions, behaviours, etc.. Non-verbal communication can be used to repeat, contradict, substitute, complement, accent or regulate verbal communication.

In our modern society, a lot of non-verbal communication is used to put a point across. Some examples of such non-verbal communication includes the twitching of the eyebrows, indicating that we are unsure of the subject matter that is being discussed, or a hand signal to respond to someone far away. Such actions and movements have become a part of our lives that we do not put much thought into these non-verbal cues. Very often, we use non-verbal communication as a form of response to someone to has communicated (usually verbally) to us. For example, when a person asks a question and the respondent nods his head, it clearly shows that the respondent agrees with the person and has no other comments to add. However, there are also times when the person who is sending out the message, decides to send it out non-verbally. The following video is one such example. In the video, we are able to see how non-verbal communication can be used to substitute verbal communication.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mv7NEYKo32E&feature=channel#watch-main-area

As shown in the video, the male lead actor led the female lead actress into the house without saying a word and almost immediately, the music from the handphones began to play. Internationally, the music is associated to wedding because it is typically the song that is used for wedding march-ins. Thus, when the music was played, instantly the viewer would be thinking of a wedding ceremony, and then associate the scene to a proposal script. After the song has ended and the lights are being turned on, friends began shouting “Marry him!” in Mandarin. This further helps complement the non-verbal communication that was previously sent out.

At the same time, paralinguistics is also used to complement the message that has been sent. Instead of using a low pitch, low volume and lethargic tone to encourage the female actress to agree to the proposal, friends used very high pitch, high volume and a tone that is filled with energy to encourage her. The use of such tone clearly shows that they support the marriage and feel that the female should agree to the proposal. At the same time, the use of screams is also a form of vocalic used to break the silence between the couple immediately after the music has ended.

Though short and simple, this video is a good example which showcases how non-verbal communication can not only be used as a channel to respond to someone, but it can also be used as a channel to send out a message to the respondent. It also further reemphasizes that we cannot do without communication. In everything that we do, we are constantly communicating with one another, verbally or non-verbally.

Coco Avant Chanel

The last movie that I watched, which really touched my heart was Coco Avant Chanel. It was a bibliography of the founder of Chanel today, a lady named Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel.
In the movie, Coco is an orphan who was left behind by her father, who never came back for her. She was portrayed as a lady who led a humble life with her sister. It was not stated in any part of the movie that Coco lead a humble life. However, it is shown through the use of nonverbal communication. In the movie, many scenes were cast in their home, which is a little room which looks dark and nostalgic. It is definitely not one of the many houses that the riches used to live in in the past.
Not long later, Coco’s sister managed to find a boy of her dreams and decided to migrate to live with him. This left Coco all alone in the house. During this part of the movie, they portrayed Coco as a lady who has no one to turn to. At the same time, the use of a dark background also brought about the emotion of dull and sadness.
Shortly after, Coco managed to find herself a boyfriend, who often has to entertain his guests. Coco did not like hanging out with his friends and thus often locked herself up in the room. She was often shown to be smoking on the bed. Such scenes instill a feeling of loneliness in viewers. As smoking is often associated to loneliness and curiosity, and since Coco is no longer a young girl who is often curious about new things, we would associate the action to Coco being very lonely. She seldom smiles when she was with her boyfriend. In contrast, when Coco met Arthur, the boy whom she later fell in love with, she began to smile. This showed a big contrast between her feelings for her boyfriend and Arthur.
The use of nonverbal cues in this movie added emotions into the movie. the conversations were short and brief, showing that the casts were reluctant to talk to one another, and yet different emotions can be shown during different times of the show using either the lighting, facial expressions and actions.
The pragmatic approach stated that “it is impossible not to communicate”. This is very true in Coco Avant Chanel. Communication comes in many forms, and in the movie, most of the communication is done through nonverbal communication. Thus, in order for one to understand and feel the way Coco did, the viewer has to be able to catch the nonverbal cues that were shown.

Listen

William Shakespeare once said “Give every man thy ear but few thy voice”. The message that he is trying to put across is to urge people to talk less and to listen more.

Very often than not, we often associate communication to the process of producing words – speaking. However, there is also another part which is associated to communication, which is listening. Listening is actually the most important part in communication, besides speaking, because without listening, there is no interaction between the two communicators. This will cause our communication model, which is the Transactional model, to fall apart and to give rise to the Linear Model.

Listening is important because it allows the listener to receive the message from the sender, decode the message and then communicate his/her points of views back. The exchange is thus called communication. Without listening, communication then becomes a one-way communication. As there would not be any feedback, there would also not be any exchange in views and opinions of a certain subject matter.

One must not confuse listening with hearing. The definition of listening is “to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear”, which in simple words is to give attention. On the other hand, the definition of hearing is “to perceive by the ear”. One has to be attentive to the message that is sent to him/her before he/she can understand what the sender is saying and to provide meaningful feedback on the message that has just been sent. If the listener is just hearing the message and not listening, the message would not be processed and some intended messages that are meant to be sent across would be lost.

Ernest Hemingway says that “most people never listen”. This is very true. Every often, people listen to messages, but do not listen. They are willing to listen to the message that is being sent, but are not able to process the message. This often results in miscommunication, or having the sender to repeat what he/she had just said. Thus, it is important to be a good listener, to be able to pay attention that is being sent across and to provide meaningful feedback. Only this way, would we be able to communicate well.