Context in relational formation

In theory, we learn that relational formation can be developed through different processes. Relationships are formed through factors such as physical appearance, similarity, dissimilarities, exchange, proximity, reciprocity and competency. To a certain extent, this may be true. These interactions cause people to develop a first impression of the other party. However, relational development is not limited to just these factors alone. Another factor, which makes use of low contextual culture, can also contribute to the development of relationships.

I found an article on the net and would like to share it here.

http://www.souleader.org/docs/relational.pdf

In this article, there is a sentence saying, “I wanted to stay away from those people – the ones who didn’t look too good – because whatever they had, I didn’t want it rubbing off on me.” This is an evidence of someone that judges the people whom he interacts and forms relationships with based on their physical appearances. He does not wish to interact with someone who looks different (or rather, to him, they look weird). Dissimilarity may be one of the factors that causes people to interact with one another, it can also be one of the factors that causes people to withdraw from another person. Differences might indicate to some people that conflicts would arise, should these two people interact with one another.

However, over time, the person realized that he has begun to fit into the place nicely. As stated in the article, “Context is strong. And my context for the past fifteen years or so had given me many messages.” This is evident how a low contextual message can affect a person’s thinking. In this article, the focus is placed on the messages that God was trying to send across to the receiver, who is the person himself. Since this is a spiritual article, little, or rather no focus was placed on non-verbal cues because they are non-existent. Instead, a huge emphasis is placed on the message that has been put across in words.

This article shows that people interact not solely because of external factors such as those that we have learnt in class. Instead, other factors such as words and messages also contribute to someone interacting with another person, which in the case of this article, is interaction through faith. Since it is not possible to communicate verbally, or through the use of non-verbal cues, the alternative is to make use of words in the bible, to convey the messages from God to the respective followers.

time orientation

Initially I was wondering why is time orientation part of communication; however, after much thought, I guess I know the reason why. time orientation is very much affected by the culture in which a person lives in. for example, in the case of Singapore, we are a fast moving country; thus, anyone who lives in this society cannot afford to procrastinate or take their time to complete tasks that are being assigned to them. On the other hand, in a more relaxed country such as the Australia, it is known that their lifestyle is more laid-back and they are a slower moving society. In this case, Australians can afford to take their time to complete their assignments, instead of having to stay on after office hours just to complete their assignments.

The two types of time structures in culture include the polychromic and monochromic styles.

The polychromic style states that time can be stretched. This style views time in a more flexible manner and does not attach as much importance to it when structuring the activities of their daily lives. In this case, the priority of the person planning his time is placed on interpersonal relationships. In this case, timelines are more of estimations rather than firm deadlines that have to be met.

On the other hand, the monochromic style states that time is exhaustive. Time in this case is viewed in a straightforward fashion, as a real and tangible phenomenon and is rigidly structured. This means that time is fixed and that punctuality is taken very seriously. Time has to be managed carefully to ensure that it is well divided amongst all the other tasks.

In the case of Singapore, we make use of the monochromic style in everything that we do. When we are in school, we are taught that time management is very important. Thus, we have to split our time carefully amongst the many different modules that we have to juggle in a semester. At the same time, Singaporeans live by the phrase “time is money”. This clearly proves that we believe that time cannot be stretched and that timely deadlines should be met regardless of how tight the deadline is.

On the other hand, as stated, Australia is a more laid back country that makes use of the polychromic style. Being more laid back does not mean that this cultural style is wrong. Polychromic style gives Australians more freedom to do the things that they deem are more important first. In this case, as they assume that interpersonal relationships are important, work often takes the back seat when it is compared with relationships. Employees are not expected to work late, as they believe in family time.

Differences in the two styles do not mean that any one style is superior over the other. It only meant that people would have different priorities.

Self Disclosue

One of the keys to maintaining a good relationship is to ensure that there is self disclosure between the two parties. Self disclosure means to share information about oneself that the other person is unlikely to know. In this case, it can also be called opening up oneself to the other party.

It is important for self-disclosure to take place, especially when two people are getting into an intimate relationship. This is because self-disclosure allows both parties to gain better understanding of one another and to build a closer relationship with one another.

One of the models that is being used to describe self disclosure is the Johari window. The window is as follows:





The open pane is the pane which is known to self as well as known to others. In this pane, it often contains external attributes such as physical appearance and occupation. A person does not need to know the other party well to know information that belongs to the open pane.

The second window is the blind pane. The blind pane contains information that is seen by others, but is unknown to self. This pane may include information such as characteristics and personalities. One example is that people may see you as someone who is a good leader; on the other hand, you may not feel that you possess the necessary skills to be a good leader.

In the third window, the hidden pane contains information that is known to us, but unknown to others. This is the pane which includes a person’s most confidential information that he/she does not wish to share with anyone else.

Lastly, the unknown pane contains the information that is unknown both to you and to others. An example could be someone who has an unknown talent that has yet to be explored.

Self disclosure has its pros and cons. As mentioned above, self disclosure can help to build better rapport between two people, and to bring an intimate relationship up a higher level. At the same time, we must not neglect the fact that self-disclosure can also being about certain risks to people. One of the risk involved is that the receiver might not perceive self-disclosure positively. This might affect the person’s impression of the sender of the message, and thus a relationship can also be broken. At the same time, if too much information is disclosed to the other party, there may be a risk of the other party using such information to gain power over the relationship. Such unfavourable actions can also lead to the destruction of the relationship.

Thus, although self-disclosure is good, it is important to know who you are sharing the information with and how much information you are sharing. Sharing too little information may lead to distancing of the relationship. At the same time, sharing too much information can also cause one party to overpower the other. Thus, sharing should be done in moderation.

Let's Forgive

In this advertisement, once again, nonverbal communication is used to convey a message between a father and a son.

In this video, the director made use of close up shots to focus on the emotions of the son. Throughout the movie, they made use of kinetics, especially affect displays, to illustrate the emotions of the actors in the show. From the beginning of the clip, the son was already very upset with his father, for all that his dad had done to him. He used harsh words such as ‘neglected’, ‘rejected’ and ‘despised’ to put down his father and to make his father guilty. These words complemented the use of non-verbal communication, to emphasize on his sadness and hatred towards his father.

The proximity between the father and son also indicated that there is a gap between them. They do not enjoy an intimate relationship like most parents and child. Instead, based on estimation, their distance is more of a social distance. This clearly shows that the father and son are very distant in terms of relationship. One of the reasons accounting for the distance is the hatred that the son feels towards his father. This has caused them to drift apart. Despite all these challenges, the son ultimately is able to break free from his comfort zone and to forgive his dad, even though he knew that it was his dad who had killed his mother. This clearly explains the title “Let’s Forgive”.

This video also clearly portrays the relationship management process. The conflict resolution method used is the functional method where a new relationship is built between the father and the son. Despite knowing that his father has killed his mother, the son is still able to let go of the past and forgive his father for his wrongdoings.

This is a very touching video, because it portrays that in life, we are all bound to make mistakes, be it whether we are a child, a son, a student, a parent, a teacher or even a president. We are only human. The most important thing is to be able to learn from our own mistakes and at the same time, seek forgiveness from our loved ones. Only when there is forgiveness, can we then be able to maintain strongly bonded, healthy relationships.

As quoted in the video:
When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive... forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future...